What does loss mean to you

There are so many different types of loss.  What does loss mean to you?

Loss can mean so many things,

  • Loss can be losing a game, temporally losing your phone, your keys or your purse.  I remember those were the three things my mom was always losing, her glasses, her keys and her purse and I swore I’m never going to do that.  Well, I think 95% of the things I swore I’d never do that my mom did I am now doing and it makes me laugh.
  • Loss of a spouse or partner or child; sometimes it may take years to get over the grief of your loss if ever; it’s frustrating to me that you’re expected to suck it up and be back to normal within a few weeks after your loss and you may lose friends simply because they don’t understand the grief process and become impatient with you.
  • Loss from a natural disaster like in 2007 my house flooded and it was a huge loss for me both financially and emotionally.
  •  Loss when your children leave home; i.e. my son just graduated from college and is now working; he may come to visit but that’s about it.  Even though he went away to college that was only temporary because he came for summer vacation and holiday vacations but now he’s gone and won’t be living with my anymore.
  • Loss of a parent.   The death of a parent may really change your perspective on life.  When I lost my dad, I was 21 and he was 52 and I was young and really didn’t realize the full impact it had on me.  Whereas when I lost my mom, she was 83 and I was 54 and that really changed me.  In the last 10 years, I’ve lost my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my mother, my Aunt Harriet (mom’s sister), and Edward whom I was married to.  This has had a huge impact on how I view my life.  I think about my own mortality differently.  What I would have done and said differently.  Could’ve would’ve…Regrets of things I would’ve said and didn’t have the chance.  My Grandmother Laura died 42 years ago and I still miss her like it was yesterday and I have more regrets than anyone of things I wish I would’ve said and didn’t. At least I had time with Edward before he died and we spent time discussing, apologizing and appreciation of our life together (good and not so good).  There were 2 months in-between the deaths of my mom and Aunt Harriet.  OMG I still miss them so much.  But they are all still in my heart!
  • I think the worst type of loss is the traumatic type which is sudden, unexpected or violent.  On December 16, 2012, we lost our baby girl Willow who was a smooth collie and the sweetest and best dog that ever lived.  She was actually perfect; she was shelter dog who was smart, minded me, never had any accidents in the house, was so loveable and couldn’t have been a better girl.  She loved life and spent every minute enjoying it with me and Michael.  She was hit by a car and every morning I think about her and miss her so much.  I had never lost a pet like that before, it’s so devastating.  I don’t think most people don’t understand the grief I am going through but Willow is still in my heart and I still love her so much.

There are so many types of losses; i.e. a death of a loved one, a marriage or friendship that ends. health issues, you lose a pet or maybe you may even lose your job., or the loss of a home through disaster or financial distress.

Easier said than done but you do really have to address these issues.  Avoiding or denying these issues will only prolong them.  Turning other distractions will only make things worse in the long run.  Because everyone is different what works for one may not work for another.  But one thing that helps is to get through whatever it is that we need to get through.

Some may talk to a friend, others may write in a journal, some may get into a support group,  others may see a counselor or Psychologist, seek a religion group, expand your creative side in hobbies or social outlets or maybe even do some volunteer work.

The only thing that I know is that do whatever is best for you.  For me it’s a combination of things and you must learn for yourself what that  combination is.  For me, I make some goals, where do I want to be?  Then construct your roadmap and trails and errors and pretty soon you’ll be there.  Remember try to be happy, be flexible, believe in your, be  positive and be open to new possibilities!!!

There are a lot of peaks and valley’s and tell yourself, yes I can and you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish!

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